I would like to apologize to Michael Stephens for being a jealous jerk. Not to get too personal, but I haven’t been myself for a while and I thought I had my anxiety and depression under control. Far from it. I dealt with my personal issues by striking out against one of my closest friends and colleagues. Worse, I did so publicly. That was absolutely wrong. I’m sorry Michael.
Last night, it all came to a head. As I sat in my den, crying my eyes out for my actions, not knowing what to do, I realized that I took a current hot topic and spinned it out of control. Again, it was a way of denying what was really happening inside. This morning, an e-mail from a colleague (Thank You!) confirmed what I had been denying. Again, I broke down.
To everyone else that I have hurt with my words, I’m sorry. There are too many of you to name, and I don’t think that we need to get into that anyway. I would like to put my nonsensical, jealous, and unfathomable behavior behind me (I look back at some of my posts from the last few months and cringe). You don’t have to forgive me (it’s not easy to do when people take shots at you), and it may take some time before you can trust me again (fair enough – I deserve it), but I’m going to try to win back as must trust as possible.
I love this profession and everything it stands for, and I’m ashamed to call myself a librarian tonight. We not only help people, but we help each other. I was of no help to librarianship over the past few months. For that, I’m sorry.
Where do I go from here? I don’t know, but this is a first step. Say goodbye to Steven 1.0